I'm still thinking of you.

It's been years.

Many years since the last time we saw each other, and many years since we last spoke in person.

But the feelings i had for you for 7 years still assault me in my dreams. I still dream of hugging you, of your arms around me in a warm hug that brings the biggest joy in my heart. I loved you then and I will always love you. My heart belongs to someone else, but in it, and in my soul, you will always remain as a picture of the one i knew, the one i loved in silence, the one i saw go and could never reach again.

You were my first love. You were the one that got away.

I asked the gods tonight in a fleeting moment, to show me my soulmate in my dreams. They showed us, just like we were at 19, on a sweet embrace. I could feel your arms wrapped around me, your warmth and your lips close to mine, with your warm voice asking me something about a necklace i was wearing at that moment. It was noon.

I loved you like you can only love once. I loved you purely, and gave you the best years of my silent devotion, knowing nothing could come out of it. But I'm happy I did.

And even though you may not know it, I'm happy your past self comes to visit me sometimes in my dreams, wirth your long, black hair, to embrace me on a sunset.

This is a testament about the loved i had for you, and that in me, you will always exist as the one who got away.

It's Unfair.

It's unfair.

And that's the only word I get to utter after seeing people that come and go from my life time and time again.

I am he who is a lover, and a friend. I am he who is someone who wishes to live in peace, surrounded by love and harmony for once, after so many years.

I am the lover who asks to be shown love unashamedly, by hearing the words "I Love You" that come from a mouth without resentment, without doubts and without it being a secret. He who wants to end everyday gazing at the eyes of the beloved one in a room only lit by the spark of their laughter, lost in the infinity of a universe inside his lover's eyes, that he explores in his dreams, connected by an embrace that soothes the soul. He who asks for the memories of smiles, of a simple life, autumn leaves, summer walks. The lover who asks for his feelings not to be covered in shame and fear. Fear of being an annoyance, fear of being wrong. Fear of being "too much". Fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong second. The lover who asks to be listened, to not be misunderstood. Not yelled at, not insulted, not humilliated. He who asks for a smile despite the issues, who by asking for love won't be called co-dependent, needy, selfish. The lover who wants to feel loved. The lover who doesn't want his love to wither, but doesn't want to bleed to death. In return, he is the one who will give unconditional love, support, patience, and make every single day one to feel happy, despite his pain, despite his tears or sacrifices. Always with a smile and with his love in his hand and the anchor of his fight.

I am the friend whose friendship is an unbreakable bond despite the time and distance, and yet, his life is an open passage from which those who ever called him the same can come and go as they please. I am he who waits. I am he who cares, if you happen to care. Who disappears, and reappears.

I am he who won't accept mistreatment, being taken advantage of, being used or being tricked into a rotten guise of friendship to justify another person's lacks and faults. I am he who asks to be listened too. The one who will eagerly listen to your story, who will swiftly offer his hand to help, one who will treat your problems as his, but hopes to not be the victim of mood swings, bad words, and abuse.

And yet, with all of my flaws, with all of my fears, and all of my virtues and vices, I try to offer all of those things. But when i go to sleep every night, I find those things I try to offer, are ever barely reciprocated by the things I ask for.

And I find that unfair. 

It's very unfair.